1) Use Adobe Flash. Who needs to have words for Google to index?
2) Put your message in video. Who has time to read? And everyone has an uncapped data plan for those data-hungry videos.
3) Got a list of things you want to convey? Put each one on its own page. People burn a lot of calories clicking and will appreciate the exercise.
4) Load up that page with elements that take a long time to load and shift the contents during loading so your visitors have to click on moving targets. They love surprises and arriving at random locations.
5) Don't provide a mobile version of your site. Your visitors will happily take that .001 point font and either use a magnifying glass or accessibility controls to expand it to a readable size, then just slide the window back and forth to get your message.
6) Use low-contrast color schemes, like yellow letters on a white background. It's cheerful and your visitors can use the highlight/select feature to illuminate your text so they can get your message.
7) That window real estate hates white space. Fill up every pixel with content, adverts, and clickable links.
8) Employ pop-up windows. Since you filled that screen real estate, those pop-up windows provide totally new space on TOP of your message for those last-minute thoughts or special promotions.
9) Use random locations for the controls to close those pop-up windows. People love puzzles and finding Waldo.
And my very favorite:
10) A couple seconds after rendering your page on a mobile device, bounce your visitor into the app store to offer them a chance to install a totally unrelated game. People love finding their way back to your content!